For months I’ve been trying…

Well, honestly, I’m not in the mood to write something. I’m a bit used to what I’m feeling now, my mind is not that emotional unlike before.

Anyway, I want to tell you I miss you, not by simply writing down the words and wait for you to read it. I want to say it personally to you—I want to speak those words—to say it right in front of you. Yeah! Even though I’m lacking the courage to—still, I want to.

Do you still remember how surreal our days were?
It was just a mere reality in the midst of almost having the taste of it.
For months I’ve been trying… I’ve been trying to forget or hopefully get over you but I just can’t.

Err…

For months I’ve been trying… I guess I’ve been trying in vain, the result of my actions were undoubtedly stupid. Tell me, did you ever or even had “that” feeling for me?

Or…

Was it just a fancy attention that you had which misled you to have a great infatuation?

…

Did I even have the chance?
I don’t require for an answer to this. I just wanted to ask but not really know what the answer you have for this.

I want to meet you again, and if ever it would be a yes, the question is: when?
I want to talk to you; maybe this is the only way for me to get over you…
Honestly, I want to tell you everything that’s in my mind, I’m getting tired and bored writing my emotions and what-so-ever on paper. My mind is too tired talking to itself.

I’m not a good writer; I don’t even have the knowledge in anything that is related to literature. And worst, I even don’t know how to construct a proper sentence or phrase!

I miss you.
I miss you.
I miss you.

My mind is inconsistent on what to tell about, there are just too many things I want to talk about. I want to TALK, to SPEAK out. And this time, I want it to be one by the use of my mouth.

It has been months now; since the last time we’ve met. You know what… I really wanted to purchase those name-beaded necklaces that time… Oh well, I ended up saying;

“Next time.”

He main reason why I said that was because I thought there would be a next time… Well, I was wrong.

I’m not the sweetest, most romantic or even good-looking person you’ve known.
Whatever… I don’t really mind.

I feel like I’m a satellite. Wandering around you,
Not having the chance to get even close to you.

Bringing it all back. :(

Oh well.I sure do hope so... :(

Hindi ko na mabuksan yung isa kong blog! Fvck!
Balik tuloy ako dito sa luma kong blog. :c


--

Here's my last post dun sa isa kong blog:


Shitty post:


I never really wanted to, but she just made me fall more faster. From there, I then realized that I just somehow forced myself to face what's in front of me.
It grew very differently from the way I wanted it to be--not like this, it's just another side of what story lies within. I pretend. Yes, and I acted well enough on making the majority believe on what I am feeling...

She smiled with such gladness. What a make believe I have found myself in, I smiled back knowing the fact that the feeling that she's in a lie every time I look at her. She's just so fragile, and at the same time so powerful without any barriers holding her back... She made me fall too fast. Way too fast. Before I know it, I'm already in a moshpit, smothered by flattery. I couldn't control myself but to accept the reality of what's in store for me. What a such beauty to arouse myself on something I never wanted to happen. It made me feel contented in a short period of time, even without having the thought of what may happen in the coming future.

Have I taken this serious enough, or am I just having a shot of some taste that I could never really have?

A day has ended. And I am in a melancholic trauma of what happened to me in the past. I could try to be all fine, to be just the one who I am before but I Just couldn't. It's eating me alive. An emotion a bit too strong, which within me has devoured.

Have I fallen really in love? Finally, I thought of something new. Really new. And so, I grabbed what device I could pick-up so that I could utterly confess what I have in mind. She answers right back--a voice of rejection I heard. The conversation ended right there, with me left in silence for a moment... For a day.
I couldn't believe it, it's like I was used, played with. Such an unfair moment for me to the fact that I am willing to take the risk and everything, but I guess it wasn't just enough to be the one beside her.

I guess she just needed more of what I could give, what I could offer. Or maybe... She just needed no one at the moment. What happened? I mean, there was something--a possible spark, but she gave up on it. The potential of what could someday blossom ended right at the moment when I just wanted to begin. Could I say that "We almost had it"; well I think I just fell way too short... I know you weren't ready. but why fonder with the feeling of falling deeply, then suddenly grab a branch to stop from feeling such?

Then you said I'm just taking it way too seriously, when in the first place; you were the one who made me think that I should. Your actions just don't suit your words. You're too strong when it comes the the art of conversation and argument, but I could feel that it's also the same thing that makes you weak. Were you surprised of what had happened? Suddenly you couldn't control it any longer so then you gave up and turned away. Now, I was left like a fool of the remnants of what just happened. I tried to pick it up, assemble and somehow show to you that I'm worth the try. But you couldn't agree with it.

Oh well... It's all in the past now, and all I have to do is to live with it. Thanks for hurting me, though I know I myself is the one to blame.